Being Frank…

Accepting my failings

Day of Judgment

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On Monday I had a very minor panic attack brought on by it taking longer to defrost the car than anticipated and the fear that I would be late dropping my son off at school. Silly really the school is only 5 minutes away (car used because I then drive on to work) and being late for school is no big deal, late arrivals have to go in via the school office…but there I was scraping away at the ice feeling short of breath with my heart pounding and my brain spiralling out of control. It is the little things that push us over the edge.

Next Monday isn’t really a day of Judgment but it is the start of finding out whether I have a job or not as we have a telecom with the director of legal and having spent the week trying not to listen to the people in the private office behind me phoning up various staff members confirming that they have or haven’t been successful in their applications, the question of “what I do, what can I do” is of course very much on my mind.

A colleague in another office and I joke about setting up a yarn shop but that’s all it is, a joke, she lives in darkest Dorking and I am in the wilds of Warwickshire, besides I suspect we have missed the boat, as unlike a few years ago it feels like there is now a shop in every decent sized town…suspect I’d have to combine my interests if I wanted to make money and have a Yarn Book Café selling fabulous cakes.

So what can I do ? Well I could go back to the high street if I brushed up my knowledge of the CPR – I used to be quite a successful (if unhappy) personal injury lawyer and I can now add boundary disputes to debt recovery and contract litigation ! But not being a lawyer ?

I don’t think I can remember not wanting to be a lawyer. I can remember when I was 15 it being only one option the others being archaeologist or journalist…but those slowly fell away when I realised I don’t like digging and I really hate writing coherent arguments to a deadline…

I fell out of love with the idea of a legal career at university but that feeling didn’t last for long and after a couple of years I was trying to find out how I could find the money to do the Legal Practice Course…and having invested so much time and money getting to where I am I am reluctant to give it up entirely, but looking at the market out there it doesn’t seem that there are many jobs for someone with 10 years PQE and no “following”.

The blogosphere is full of people who have made a success out of their hobby (and some written books about it) but I’m not good enough for that (or patient or enough of a perfectionist)…and lets face it, it is a hard slog, it takes a long time to start making money and I have a mortgage to pay.

I try and be positive. Redundancy is not a set back, it’s a chance to try something different, a chance to get out of a rut (this is not the first time I’ve been here, at least this time I won’t take it personally, but then the other 2 times it was a job I was glad to leave !) but at the moment I am all out of ideas.


Author: 5currantbuns

Cake Baker

One thought on “Day of Judgment

  1. (((Hugs))) re: the panic attack the trick is apparently to think of evidence to support your ‘bad thoughts’ and evidence against your ‘bad thoughts’ and then to think of a new balanced argument, bit like being a lawyer I guess lol, it can be easier said than done though I know.

    Fingers crossed you keep your job. If not I’m sure you’ll think of something.

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