I don’t have a negative body image. Honest I don’t. I love the body I imagine I have. My legs are 3 inches longer, calves not so pronounced and my waist is the 24 inches it was when I was at university, I am curvaceous but proportionately so…yes I love the imaginary me I really love the imaginary me.
I have issues with the real me. The real me hates shopping for clothes because nothing fits. Nothing fits because clothes manufacturers make clothes for the average figure and there is nothing average about me. Clothes manufactures make blouses to fit a C cup…I’m an F/FF. My body fits into 3 different clothing sizes 14, 12 and 16, so as you can imagine I never ever buy dresses because they only fit where they touch! Trousers are a nightmare…if they fit in the hips then they are way to baggy in the waist and I look like a sack tied up with a bit of string if I cinch them in with a belt…which is still, (despite my now larger waist) cinched in to the very smallest hole in the belt… that’s of course if the trousers reach my waist, because it’s difficult to get any trousers these days that poke much above the groin area as most trousers are low rise… I hate the whole buying clothes experience so much that I just don’t do it. Which means that eventually after years and years of wearing the same thing over and over again, you reach crisis point…really I can’t go on like this, there is nothing left but my underwear…
But then you can buy clothes I guess and alter them to fit…but if you are going to go through that sort of hassle then you may as well make them from scratch? (Let’s put aside for now my fear of taking a pair of scissors to something I have just spent a large sum of money on).
So why not make things from scratch? Ah yes you’re scared of cutting aren’t you and you have lost confidence in your ability to sew…err, actually no, I’ve been slowly beavering away here with my sewing machine getting practice in plus the corset course made me feel much better about what I produced, it made me realise I’m not a complete dunce, I can do it if I slow down and take my time.
So? OK so I admit it. I am scared of the tape measure. I spent a large amount of time waiting for Little Red in the City to come out, pre-ordered it, couldn’t wait to get my hands on it and yet, 6 months on I have made nothing. I have made nothing because every single pattern involves you taking accurate measurements of yourself. I also have at least 4 Colette patterns plus my new book but I have made nothing, because I have to measure myself.
It is quite one thing to say you accept your body, that you accept the fact you have a backside the size of Norfolk and a chest that could put someone’s eye out if you turn to quickly…plus that roll of fat around you waist. You can accept it. You can then ignore it on a daily basis and pretend it isn’t so and live happily in your imagination with the body image you… But now…now I have to steel myself to cold reality. Get the tape measure out and accept the cold certainness of the figures I will mark down in my book…because otherwise I will be naked by Christmas.